


SHIMMER

by angrywitchpolice



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Gay, Gay Male Character, M/M, One Shot, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrywitchpolice/pseuds/angrywitchpolice
Summary: Would you wait, knowing the person you love may not recognize, may not love you still? Or would you move on, create a life for yourself? If they returned, could you open yourself again?---Merthur Modern AU
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	SHIMMER

On November 6, 2019, a ripple emerged from the middle of the lake. I was sitting on a bench near the lake, as I do every afternoon, when I noticed. It happened all the time — a leaf landing on the water, a fish dancing at the surface, the wind dancing by — but this ripple was different. Just enough to catch my eye.

The ripple was large enough to catch my eye, perfectly symmetrical. I straightened my back to look out better. The centre expanded just as a crown on golden hair broke the surface, followed by a head gasping for air. I shot up from the bench I was sitting on. _There's no way..._ The head bobbed for a second before whipping the dripping hair from his face and beginning to move towards the shore — towards me.

"Arthur!" I called. The head stopped moving for a moment and I thought for just a moment I was only seeing a ghost but he started moving again, faster. I ran to the shore. He reached a point and began wading, his broad shoulders rising from the water, still clad in his now rusty chain mail and tattered red cape. "Arthur!" I called again, almost refusing to believe my eyes. He smiled brilliantly and _God, how I've missed that smile_. I ran into the water, _I needed to see him, to touch him, hold him._

"Merlin!" He ran as fast as he could through the water, his smile widening. Tears ran down my cheeks. _He is here. This isn't a dream._ I embraced him as soon as he was within arms reach. He laughed gently as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Arthur." I held him tightly. We stood there, holding each other in freezing knee-deep water, and for the first time in years, _centuries_ , I felt at peace. Arthur pulled away, holding my shoulders, still smiling.

"Are, are you... crying?" He asked. I nodded, letting the tears spill over my grinning cheeks. He chuckled lightly. "No man is worth your tears." He murmured, wiping my cheek. His radiant blue eyes hadn't aged a day but held wisdom I didn't recognize. I guess over a thousand years gives you time to think. I left him with plenty of things to think about.

"Except you." He smiled. I pulled away before he tried to pull me in and held out my hand. "Shall we go?" His smile faltered for a moment and I felt a familiar pull in my gut. I was very familiar with that slight falter — the moment he'd realize during a feast that he couldn't ask me to dance, when a knight would interrupt us just before he'd pull me into an empty cupboard, or the falling look on his face when I told him about my magic. My stomach dropped a bit. He would remember that. He would remember how everything ended — how _we_ ended. I had more than a thousand waking years to think about it all between working and generally surviving. I can't imagine what he thought about, if he could think all that time. His eyes were still soft though, the way he'd look at me when I'd hurt myself on a hunt and the other knights were off joking and drinking, or when I'd wake him after a particularly good nights sleep and he'd just watch as I puttered about his room.

He took my hand and we left the lake. He creaked and groaned as the rusty armor made it nearly impossible for him to walk correctly, but he seemed amused by it. His smile didn't fade the entire time we walked from the shore, his hand gripping mine as if his life depended on it. My house was just across the road — a cottage I built shortly after Arthur had died and I returned from some travelling. It was small, big enough for me and the few companions I had taken in over the years. Students mostly. As the modern times approached, I had to create new identities, fake families and all, but I still lived relatively off the grid. My nearest neighbor was at least a mile and a half away.

"What the hell is that thing?" He squawked as a car drove by. I chuckled and shook my head. _Oh, this will be fun._

"A car. I'll explain soon." I squeezed his hand and led him across the road to my house. When we got inside, I pointed at a kitchen chair.

"Sit, and don't touch anything." He nodded, reluctantly letting go of my had, and sat down. He looked around innocently as I grabbed a pair of too big sweatpants and a t-shirt from my room. When I came back out, he was picking at his rusty armor.

"Here, put these on." I handed him the clothes and turned to go into the bathroom to get a towel and washcloth.

"Aren't you going to help me, Merlin?" He smirked. Despite the many years, he had the same mischievous glint in his eyes. I rolled my eyes but smiled regardless.

"You're not king any more, and I am no longer your servant," He started pouting and looked down at his armour. "But if you need help, then fine." I turned back and worked to remove his rusty armour. It was fairly stuck and I silently cursed myself for thinking he'd be able to remove it alone. He just sat still, quiet as I worked at the armour.

"Oh fuck this," I muttered after nearly slicing my finger open. I raised my hand over his shoulder and muttered a spell to remove the rust. He watched with wide eyes as the rust slowly returned to its natural state on his chest plate before glancing up to me with curious eyes. _Well, at least he doesn't seem to be mad about the magic bit._

"What year is this?" He asked quietly. I bit my lip and returned my attention to removing his armour.

"2019," I mumbled, trying hard to not meet his eyes.

"Wow." He looked at me as I took off his chain mail. He didn't look the same as I remembered. His jaw was wider and cheekbones softer. His eyes were a different shade of blue — almost the wrong shade. "You waited all this time?" His voice was softer than I had ever heard it, and tinged with something painful I couldn't put my finger on. I handed him the towel to dry himself before dressing again, trying hard to place my mind away from the feeling in my gut.

"Yes." I looked up and met his eyes. He brought his hand to my cheek. I flinched slightly at the touch, having lacked any for so long. I almost gave up a couple of times, return to society, find someone to settle down with, but I remembered my duty, my promise to Arthur. Even if I could start a family, I'd outlive them all and end up alone again. And I'd still have to wait for Arthur.

"Why?" He whispered. I looked away and held out the t-shirt. He lifted his arms and slipped it on. It was tight across his wide chest and shoulders and he looked awkward in the modern clothes, sitting in my sunny kitchen. I had him the sweatpants and turned around.

"Because I had to. I made a promise to Kilgharrah, to you. I couldn't leave you alone in that cold water." Tears welled in my eyes again. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I heard Arthur shift and could feel him standing behind me.

"Merlin." I turned my head, clenching my jaw in an attempt to not let the tears spill over again. "Merlin, I — you — this is all —" He sighed deeply. "I don't deserve this. You. I don't deserve you." I turned around and met his gaze. He swallowed thickly and looked down. He never struggled with words like this before. He always had an endless stream of conversation, even if I was just listening, not saying anything back. He never stumbled over words like this. "All I ever did to you was bully you and hide you away from everyone else and put you in danger and I just — I don't deserve this. You deserve endless love, not me." He stared at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. The ache in my gut grew stronger as I took a small step towards him, reaching out my hand. A stray tear escaped his eye and he rushed to wipe it away. In all the time I had known him, I had only ever once seen him cry when his father died. I choked over my own tears as he kept mumbling. "God Merlin, why did you wait?"

"Because I couldn't leave you. It wrecked me the day you died. God Arthur! Of course, I'd wait for you! How could I not! After all the shit we'd been through! Even if we could never have been together, I was still arse over tit for you! Do you know how long I've spent wishing it was me that had died that day? Because you could've just moved on. And you would've died from old age after marrying Guinevere or another pretty maiden and—"

"Merlin stop!" I didn't even realize I was sobbing and yelling at this point. I took a deep breath and looked back at Arthur. He was also crying now. "How could you ever think I would've just moved on? That I wasn't 'arse over tit' for you too? God!" He started pacing in front of me, running his hands through his hair like I'd seen him do so many times before a large feast or important battle. "We couldn't be together openly but that didn't mean I didn't want you! I never would have married as long as you were in my life!" He stopped and took a deep breath. My breathing was shallow and I could feel my hands quivering by my sides. He turned back to me and softened his face. He looked at me with almost... pity? Guilt? I couldn't place it as he stepped towards me. "I loved you then, and I never did stop. I had... what, a thousand or so years to think about everything, and God, I don't think I've loved you more than when I saw you standing by that lake." He stepped forward and took my hands. They were strong but the callouses he had earned from sword-wielding had melted away, leaving them soft. "I never stopped loving you, even when I alone in that lake. I was waiting to see you again." He stepped inches closer and placed a hand gently on my cheek, sweeping away a stray tear with his thumb. I involuntarily leaned into his touch, craving to feel it all over my body. "I'm sorry I never showed you that before, but, if you let me, I'll show you every single day for the rest of our lives." I gasped for air, suddenly aware of just how close he was. "Merls, please." He rested his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes. The last time he was this close to me, he was slipping away. I had him clutched to my chest and was doing everything in my power to keep him there even just minutes longer just so I could tell the truth. Now, he was in front of me again, begging for a second chance I would've given in a heartbeat so long ago.

I closed the space and kissed him. I could feel him smile and move his hand to my neck. I placed mine around his hips and pulled him closer. He tasted different than I remember. His lips were warm and soft, fitting perfectly on mine like they did all those years ago. His hands on my neck felt like they found home, but I couldn't make my hands feel right on his body — they were lost. I fantasized about this moment for so long, a dizzying passionate embrace that weakened my knees, and I wasn't very wrong — it was dizzying as my head spun around Arthur, trying to comprehend what was happening. I pulled away, trying to catch my breath. Arthur smiled at me and played with the hair at the nape of my neck.

"Merlin." He breathed. I lowered my eyes. "Merlin?" I untangled myself from his arms and took a step back. A wave of nausea washed over me. It felt right and wrong — like coming home to find out everything had changed. He was the same, but not like I remembered.

"No, Arthur," I mumbled. "I can't do it again." I looked anywhere but his eyes.

"Merlin, I thought, I mean..." His voice trailed off. It felt like a punch in the gut. _I thought so too_. 

"I can't do this again. I lost you once and it nearly ruined me. What's to stop you from walking away this time?"

"Merlin, for God's sake, haven't you heard what I've been saying? I love you," He yelled and I instinctively flinched. I heard him breathe and lower his flailing hands. "And I thought you love me." He continued softly.

"I did. I swear, Arthur. I was so in love with you, but time changes people." He stepped back and I bit my lip in an attempt not to scream. "I haven't even seen your face in over a thousand and six hundred years. How could I even know you'd recognize me when you came back? That you would want to recognize me? I waited and waited and realized, I had to move on, make a life for myself. That if you couldn't recognize me, if you didn't want my help, I'd be able to stand on my own two feet and continue living. So that's what I did Arthur! I knew that with your stubbornness, there would be a good chance of you walking away. I saw your face when I first showed you my magic! You had your prejudices, that's why I never told you before then. I mean it would of put both of us in extreme danger, and I needed to stay by your side! But I know how you felt about magic—"

"You never talked to me about it Merlin! I could've done something! I would've changed things! I would've changed myself! Don't turn this on me now! I've spent a thousand years regretting how I left things with you! How I didn't do more for you! How if I could just go back, I would've married you in front of everyone! I would've walked through hell and back for you Merlin, and now..." He stopped and stared at me, lips slightly parted, chest heaving. "I don't know if I still know you." I pursed my lips and looked away. "Wait, Merlin, I didn't... I didn't mean it like—"

"Yes, you did. And that's why you said it. Look," I met his gaze again and could see the terror flash for just a moment. "I tried to get over you, and now, I don't know how I stand." His face dropped and I felt my heart drop with it. I finally admitted it, to him, to myself. I had moved on. I spent so much time wondering what this moment would feel like, and it was nothing like I had hoped. We looked the same as that day so long ago, but our minds had grown and twisted in ways neither of us ever expected. He looked at me with such pain and guilt, but then his face covered in determination.

"We... We can start over," He stated warily as if he was trying to convince himself of that. I let out a heavy sigh as he stepped towards me again. "I'll wait for you, and we can start over, fall in love all over again. I'll make it right this time. We can both be honest from the start and we can make it all right this time." He looked at my face and paused. I could feel the doubt already written on my face. "I... We..." His smile dropped. "We can't just be friends..." I smiled sadly as he trailed off. I could see the wheels slowly turning in his head, recounting the way I said those same words so many years ago. He clenched his jaw and looked down.

"Yeah, I know," I whispered. "And I know I once said that to you." He nodded slowly and looked down. "Arthur—"

"Merlin, please. Let us just start again. I've waited over a millennium to see you again, and trust me, I've gone through every terrible mistake I made in my head over and over at least a million times. I want to make it right to you." I had never seen Arthur begging like this. His bottom lip was quivering and his shoulders slumped inwards. He was folding into himself and I wanted nothing more than to step forward and catch him. I reached out my hand, against my better judgement, and hope-filled his eyes. He slowly took it and gave me a small smile.

"Okay," I murmured. Tears fall onto his cheeks and he broke out into a beautiful smile.

"Thank you, Merlin. Thank you. God, I love you. And I'll never forget to show you that. I'm sorry and—"

"Arthur," I whispered as I pulled him into a hug. I don't remember when we let go.

//

_It's been a while since I saw you_

_You don't look the same_

_You taste different too_

_Would you even recognize me_

_If you saw me walking down that cobble street?_

_We can start again_

_You know it's for the best_

_We can't just be friends_

_That share a bed_

_It's been a while since I saw you_

_You don't look the same_

_You taste different, too_

Shimmer ~Moose Blood


End file.
